SPOILER WARNING: If you haven’t seen Monday’s season finale of The Bachelorette, heads up that the outcome will be revealed in this article.
Though Rachel Lindsay expressed feelings of love towards Peter Kraus, she wasn’t in love with him.
On Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette, Lindsay and the Wisconsin native engaged in an emotional heart-to heart about their relationship — the doubts, unanswered questions and their uncertain future.
For more on Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay’s engagement to Bryan Abasolo, including their thoughts on their big debut and plan for the future, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday
“When I walked into Peter’s hotel room at the very end, I knew that I was going to send Peter home,” Lindsay, 32, tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue. “At that point, I knew it was Bryan. I did not want Peter to come to the proposal, pick out a suit, pick out a ring, prepare what he was going to say just to get turned down. That was really important for me, but I was thrown off by Peter because up until that point, he had expressed that he wasn’t ready to propose.”
“With Peter, I constantly got this push and this pull. What I hate so much is that it seems like the reason that Peter wasn’t the one for me is due to the proposal, and I think that it became such a big issue because that’s what happens at the end of this, but there were other deep-rooted issues in my relationship with him,” she adds.
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Though Kraus told Lindsay he would propose to her if that meant continuing their relationship, Lindsay knew that his heart wouldn’t be in the right place — and, in the end, they could end up resenting each other.
“The reason the goodbye at the end was so emotional, it’s not that I didn’t know what I was going to do, it was one that it’s hard to say goodbye to someone you care about,” says Lindsay. “There’s no denying I didn’t care about Peter, I just knew he wasn’t the one for me.”